7 Questions that YOU Need to Answer BEFORE Entering a Committed Relationship
Are You Ready to Enter a Committed Relationship?
Among many of the tricky subjects these days, a relationship doesn’t fall short of that list. Everyone still wants a committed relationship. Google recently released its’ most popularly searched topics of 2017 and relationships made an impact on their results.
Intriguingly, people want to know how to have a better relationship and how to make it last. But, before you get into a serious relationship, there are a few questions you should answer yourself. Answer these to: have no doubts before taking the step to enter into a serious relationship, ensure your chances of longevity, sustainability, and a happier more fulfilling relationship, to guide yourself more smoothly through relationships, and be clear on your answers to these seven questions.
1. & 2. Do I make ME happy?/Would I date me?
The belief that, once I get into a relationship, I will be happy is entirely false. We get it. It feels good to be loved by someone, but that won’t always make you happy. You have, first, to be satisfied with who you are. Take yourself out to eat, have a spa day, tell yourself you’re beautiful. Having confidence in yourself and owning your individuality is one of the single most significant things you can do to secure your happiness in and outside of a relationship. So really look at you and ask yourself, Would I date me? Once you’re in a serious/committed relationship, can you support them in tough times? Often, we start dating solely for our happiness, but it takes 2 to tango. Are you someone who will make another person happy in a relationship as well.
3. & 4. Can I handle a relationship right now?/Do I have the time to commit?
You may feel like you want to be with someone right now, but can you handle a committed relationship? Short Story: Your new bae has a family member that just passed away, and you have a girls trip already scheduled for that weekend of the funeral. Do you go on the tour? You just met him four months ago, and you don’t know his uncle Terry like, but you like him. Plus, your girls need you because you’re the life of the party and you haven’t been on vaycay all year. Do you stay and be a support to him or do you go on a much-needed vacation? These are real-life issues that do come up in serious relationships. Can you handle making the easy, taxing, and hard decisions that every relationship requires?
If you’re not over your last relationship, if your finances aren’t ready, or you’re not ready to do the work; you’re not ready for commitment. Being stuck on an ex or even two ex’s ago only sets you or your potential partner up for failure and pain. It’s important to drop all baggage of past relationships before you commit to a new relationship. You don’t want to waste you or your potential partners time. For example, you and your ex broke up three months ago, you’re already online or asking your friend to set you up with someone. You get on the date, and your song comes on, and all these emotions come rushing in. Now you want to send a “hey big head text”; and no progress is occurring.
Do you have the time to commit to another person? Time is valuable, and you want to make sure you’re spending time doing things you love, and with that special one. Once you’re in the relationship, you still have to take time to date, to grow together, to work out your differences, to get to know your partner’s friends and family. Are you willing to give the other person time to grow, time to themselves, time invested in things they want to do? Or are you going to lose your ish if they don’t answer every text as soon as it comes in? FYI-I hope you go to that funeral for Uncle Terry though -just saying – his ex is going to show up to support (haha). You have to be ready to make the big decisions and put your time in when it’s needed.
5. Am I open to the right person?
Have you ever got into a cycle of dating and you seem not to find the right person? Being open to the right person means you let go of your checklist. He has to be 6’2 and above; he has to make 80,000 a year, have no children and six pack abs. What if he’s 5’11 making 50,000 a year and he does have a child and a great relationship with the child and mother and his Momma say she loves his pooh belly? More importantly, he treats you with respect, loves you how you desire, can build a life with you, makes you feel special, can support you mentally, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. There is no perfect person. You should have standards, but you could lose out on a great girl/gal just because they don’t hit every box on your checklist.
6. & 7. Do I know what a committed relationship entails? Am I willing to do the work?
You want this great relationship, but when you get it, do you know how to keep and maintain it to consistently grow and flourish? According to Google, hundreds of thousands of people want to know just that, how to improve & keep their relationship. The honeymoon phase is a beautiful time, its fun and new and your nose is wide open! It lasts about three months. You feel butterflies, tell all your friends, and break your neck to answer the phone when they call. Just remember, the honeymoon phase ends.
Every Thursday, your favorite YouTube couple uploads a new video of them answering couple questions, dancing and working out together. I want that, you think to yourself. Or you see Ciara and Russell Wilson, and you’re hashtag #CoupleGoals #relationshipGoals. You don’t realize your favorite YouTube couple just had a huge argument the night before. It’s important to understand that real relationships require real work. We sometimes get caught up in viewing everyone else’s relationship and believe that is how ours should look. “Jay-Z brought Beyonce a tiger, why haven’t you brought me a lion yet?”
Also remember, things that happened in your past relationship do not determine how every relationship is supposed to be either. When that happens, we sometimes train ourselves to look for past things to validate our current relationship.
Are you willing to put in the time, to learn another person good and bad traits? Are you open to try new things, listen, work out differences, integrate into your partners family, respect their time/space/values, accept them for who they are, yet still push them to be better, trust, respect, communicate, grow, develop, polish the relationship… because every relationship entails all of this and more. Answering these questions humbly and honestly will help you know if you are truly ready to enter a serious relationship. Be clear on your answers so you can save you and your potential partner time and peace of mind!
…Savor every bite